Watching TV Re-Runs While Digesting Automotive Left-Overs

Okay, it's true. I only watch old re-runs to look at the cars.

Vegetating in front of the television this afternoon, I happened upon a 26-year-old episode of one of the seminal detective shows of my youth – Magnum, P.I.

Yeah, as cheesy as it may sound, I really thought Tom Selleck was cool back then, but of course, the real reason I tuned every Thursday night was the red, perpetually-on-loan Ferrari 308 GTS he drove.




So lying there in the recliner this afternoon, I quickly became sucked in into another wasteful hour of TV nostalgia by the gorgeous red Ferrari, the beauty of the show’s Hawaiian backdrop, and…let’s be honest here…a really hot girl in a bikini (with huge hair).

Anytime I watch an old re-run like this, I inevitably pay attention to the random cars that show up in most every scene shot on public streets.

This particular occasion was no different, as my mind continually tendered thoughts such as “wow, that Audi looks a million years old,” or “my God, how did an ’81 Mustang look that new,“ or even, “why was almost every car back then about as aerodynamic as my house?”

It wasn’t long before Thomas Magnum and his client were looking down on a ritzy country club parking lot filled with all the typical prestige iron of the day.

The classic lines and titanic size of a 1979 Lincoln Mark V was the first car to catch my attention, followed immediately by the ever-boring shape of a 1981 S-Class Benz. An early 3-series Bimmer was there, parked right next to Rolls (or probably just a Bentley, as hey…this wasn’t that nice of a country club). Further up was the “love-it-or-hate-it” back end of an ’81 Cadillac Seville, and beyond that, a white Jaguar XJ sedan.



When everything new is old again

“Hey…wait a minute,” I thought,” as the Jag quickly played a major time-warp trick on my eyes!

For a second, I forgot I was watching an old TV show. It was if this could have been made in 2007, or 2001, or 1991…rather than 1981.

You see, the body style of Jaguar’s “big cat” has, unfortunately, not changed much in the past 40 years. Yes, the car’s platform has changed and it’s engine options have changed…it’s size has changed a little…heck, even the type of metal the body is crafted from (formerly steel, now aluminum) has changed. It’s one hell of a lot more reliable than it used to be (somebody ought to thank Ford for that), and in a world of no hood ornaments, the Jag still dares to be different!

But the actual shape of the car is pretty much the same. Yes, it has evolved, but not much.

There are other cars whose shapes haven’t changed radically since 1981. The Porsche 911 is one. The…well…hmmm…uh…well, again, the Porsche 911 comes to mind.



What Jag calls "classic," the market calls "tired"

Look, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with preserving a classic shape. It has certainly worked for the 911 (though the word “evolved” is probably not quite strong enough to describe the changes this body style has undergone since 1963). However the Jaguar XJ is a different story. In September of 2006, the North American market (one of Jag’s largest) saw a total number of thirty-three cars delivered. That’s down 96% from the already-abysmally-low 2005 number.

The formation of Ford’s Premier Auto Group was a terrible idea from the get-go (thanks, Jac Nasser), but even worse was the strategy to go down market in search of sales volume with such laughable products as the Jaguar X-Type (remember the Ford Contour…yep, that’s where it came from) rather than spend the money required to provide real design leadership for the marque’s aged flagship model.

This is just sad, and in no time at all, Ford will either sell Jaguar to a company that cares about its proud heritage, or it will die an unceremonious death. Either way, a 40-year history of a good-but-not-that-good shape will forever tarnish the company’s reputation for otherwise impeccable style.